Define concupiscence.
- A. Impotence
- B. Sexual perversion
- C. Frigidity
- D. Lust
D. Lust. Such as, “Lindsay got her new job because of her reputation as a concupiscent hobag slutmouth.” |
Which European queen was rumored to have sex with horses?
Catherine the Great. So Great. |
Who were most numerous in pre-historic times?
- A. Men
- B. Women
- C. Hermaphrodites
- D. Pancake-butts
A. Men outnumbered women 3 to 2 giving an equivalent ratio for a high five. |
True or False:
The ancient Romans thought a woman could get pregnant from swallowing during fellatio.
False. They’re not so dumb as you, Zygotethroat. |
What was the first taboo?
- A. Murder
- B. Incest
- C. Cannibalism
- D. Promiscuity
B. Incest. Welcome home, sister. |
True or False:
Crabs can get crabs.
I haven’t verified this, but I’m going to assume it’s false. |
True or False:
Olive oil increases fertility.
False. Bring a liter into the boudoir – it can be used as a spermicide! |
True or False:
The average ballet dancer likes it up the butt.
True (factors in the proclivities of men in tights). |
How come Henry VIII wasn’t able to produce healthy male heirs?
Because he had syphilis, like all Petersons. |
Who is Smurfette’s father?
Gargamel. He created her to overthrow the Smurfs, but it didn’t work out like that because she’s just another ungrateful daughter. |
In ancient Rome, the following was thought to be an excellent way of expelling semen:
- A. Farting
- B. Sneezing
- C. Queefing
- D. Douching
B. Sneezing. Bless you, my cummy. |
Can you get preggers the first time?
If a dude is answering: no.
If a chick is answering: yes.
Or if it’s a chick who can’t have kids, the answer is no, but you don’t have to be a dick about it. She might be sensitive. |
True or False
During an experiment in California, a man who had been infertile for 2 years succeeded in impregnating his wife after 2 weeks of taking long cold baths instead of long hot ones.
False. The experiment was in Kansas. |
True or False
In order to keep Roman women from immorality, the emperor Augustus ruled in 18 BC that widows had to remarry within 2 years and divorcees within 18 months.
False. The rule was to help the dangerously low birth rates. |
True or False
Pubic hair reduces friction during intercourse.
True. Thank God for your huge bush. |
Who’s cuter, the player on your left or the player on your right?
The player on your left. If correct, give 1 penis penny to the player on the right to appease that freak homely motherfucker. |
True or False
Aphrodite could renew her virginity by bathing in sacred waters.
True. Too bad you can’t, Sarah. |
True or False
In the Hall of the Joyful Buddhas, Buddha statues were all having sex.
True. Mmmmmmm, bring that porcelain belly over here, Siddhartha. |
Whose sperm contributed to making Angelina Jolie?
John Voigt’s. |
True or False:
They had penis rings in ancient China.
True. That’s a good, long night of sex in your culture, David. |
True or False:
Recent medical research suggests that early sexual intercourse decreases a woman’s risk for cervical cancer.
False. It is thought to increase it. Make sure not to tell this to your teenaged girlfriend. |
True or False:
The word “fascinate” comes from a Latin word meaning “phallus.”
True. You phallusinate me, Andrew. |
The ancient Egyptians used a blend of laudanum, oil, cat’s womb, and raven’s egg as:
- A. an aphrodisiac
- B. birth control
- C. dye for gray hair
- D. Nothing. I made it up.
C. Dye for gray hair. I don’t “make stuff up,” Assface. |
True or False:
There was a form of marriage in ancient Rome that was like a trial marriage, and was only legally binding after one year’s continuous association.
True. Gimme some o’ that. |
True or False:
It wasn’t until 1943 that an English woman won the right to divorce her husband on the grounds of adultery.
False. It happened in 1923, retard. |
True or False:
In ancient Greece, streetwalkers had sandals that would print on the roadway for passersby to read, “Follow me.”
True. |
What was probably the most common homosexual behavior in ancient Greek men?
- A. Anal sex
- B. Thigh sex
- C. Arm sex
- D. Oral sex
B. Thigh sex. Pow! |
Who wrote in his play, “The Birds,” “Well, this is a fine state of affairs, you damned desperado! You meet my son, just as he comes out of the gymnasium, all fresh from the bath, and you don’t kiss him, you don’t say a word to him, you don’t hug him, you don’t feel his balls! And yet, you’re supposed to be a friend of ours!”
A. Euripides B. Seneca
C. Sophocles D. Aristophanes
D. Aristophanes. |
The Paraguayans used stevia rebaudiana dried, powdered, and boiled in water; the Navajo a tea of ragleaf bahia; and the Shawshawnee an infusion of stone-seed roots for what purpose?
Contraception. Do it up! |
True or false:
In Papua, New Guinea, the Hua tribe still think a man can become pregnant by eating possum and may die in childbirth.
True. Idjiots! |
What is polyandry?
- A. Sex with more than one man at once.
- B. A woman being married to more than one man.
- C. State of having more than one son
- D. Marrying for money.
B. A woman being married to more than one man. Big Love—Big Vagina Love. |
True or False:
The Shins totally rule.
True, though not with an iron first. More like with a pink cloud of transcendental joy puffs. |
What percentage of morticians are necrophiliacs?
“It’s considered to be one of the hazards of dying in this country.” If you answered with a percent, go back one space. Stop being so literal. |
True or False:
The Queen of England can have babies.
False – she’s way past passing eggs. |
True or False:
In early Christianity, a married man could become a priest only if he abandoned his wife.
False. He could be a priest if he were already married, but a bachelor could not marry after taking orders. |
True or False:
The ancient Egyptians used barrier devices as a form of contraception.
True. |
What is the capital of Madagascar?
Antananarivo. That was way hard, so advance 2 spaces if you got it right. |
In 19th century Western Australia, there was a tribe that ate every 10th baby born. Why?
- A. Because they could.
- B. Because of the potato famine (solidarity, Irish brethren).
- C. Tastes like chicken.
- D. Trick Question! Nobody eats babies (except Christopher Reeve).
- E. To keep the population down.
E. To keep the population down.
|
Which European country has citizens who masturbate the most?
Poland. Even the Poles love Polish sausage. |
Do non-human primate females have orgasms?
- A. Yes
- B. No
- C. Maybe so
B. No, Perv! |